Alright, I'm a meat eater. A filthy carnivorous soul-sucking cow-killer. Maybe not literally, except for the soul-sucking part, but I do enjoy the slice of bacon or the healty swell of a roast whenever it's available. I pretty much stick to the rituals of animalistic nature...eat or be eaten. I don't want to be eaten, so I'll take a chunk of elk steak any day.

You might think I'm about to go off on vegetarians. Not so. I've always been one to live and let live. Vegetarians have their reasons, you know, with 'animal rights' and 'cruel and unusual treatment' and that shtick. I understand where they're coming from. I can't say I agree with them, but they at least have a solid reason for not wanting to eat meat. The ones that really get to me though? The vegans. Yeah, they're in a class all their own...

Veganism started sometime around the middle of the 80s when some hippie came up with the elaborate idea that using anything from animals was just plain wrong. This hippie then found a bunch of other hippies, took advantage of a hippie's natural gullibilty, and formed a cult which is now reaching epidemic proportions here in the U.S. and probably in Canada too. But that's Canada. Let the mounties take care of their own problems, eh?

Even with the vegans, I can understand the 'not wearing leather' thing or the 'I don't buy ivory cuz I sympathize with elephants' thing or the 'I'm a giant pussbag with no protein intake' thing. What I don't get is their refusal to eat cheese or drink milk from cows. This totally blows my mind, really it does... There is no way you can call a handjob every morning and afternoon 'animal cruelty'. I know that I'd gladly give up a gallon or two of my own milk for that kind of a deal, really I would. It might not taste good at first, but with the pastuerization techniques they have developed today, anything can taste like milk. Granted, soy milk does taste pretty darn good, but at the same time, doesn't the soy bean have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness also? Does it not live!? Hemp too, for that matter! I don't think hemp should be unjustly grown solely for the purpose of serving humans with lotions, clothes, and hashish! It's not fair. Not equal. It's un-American!

On a sidenote, I really do like veal. Baby cows are ugly anyhow.

It seems that even here, in the cow-farmin' wheatgrass outbacks of Montana, people are caught up in the vegan craze. There's vegan restraunts, vegan clothing stores, vegan porn shops. Every corner, there's a vegan handing out pamphlets made with 100% animal-free substances. It's frightening, and it's wrong.

People, come to your senses. Let us nay let our wonderful sense of 'morality' corrupt our natural urges to hunt, kill, and devour! No other animal worries about what it's eating! C'mon!

Feast with me, friends, on pork, chicken, fish, lamb, and beef! Let's use our cheeses and creams, and throw out our tofu and whey! Let us, people, eat again, as humans, as part of the circle...

The circle of life.

(Hmmmmmmm...)